One of the most frustrating statements a partner can make is, “But you didn’t tell me to do it.”
This comment opens up a world of frustration. Why is it often moms who find themselves reminding their partners of household tasks? Why are they viewed as the primary managers of the home? And why can’t dads step up and take initiative to see what needs doing?
Recently, a candid moment was captured on video by mom blogger Samantha Sherman (@Mommy.Realist) as she worked on a project. Her husband entered the room looking for the day’s agenda.
What followed was a classic encounter.
“What are we doing today?” he asked, and it was clear that Sherman anticipated where this was heading.
“Their parade,” she replied, visibly frustrated.
He inquired if they needed help getting the kids dressed, only to discover they were already ready.
“I got them dressed this morning — you didn’t hear me screaming at them?”
“I didn’t hear anything,” he said sheepishly.
He continued with a flurry of questions about whether he should help tape decorations and pack food, unaware that all tasks were handled.
“So, nothing,” he concluded. “I just have to show up.”
This last comment resonated deeply with Sherman and many viewers.
It feels all too common. Even well-intentioned partners struggle to grasp the household’s demands and timelines.
The comments section quickly filled with relatable stories from other women.
“I’m now mad at my husband,” one commenter expressed, echoing a shared sentiment.
“I didn’t hear anything is SENDING ME,” another added humorously.
“Absolutely no one can convince me I’m missing out on marriage,” another chimed in.
Some shared their frustrations more extensively.
“Not someone saying ‘give him a task,’” wrote one user. “Who gives her a task? Who organizes her responsibilities? Who ensures she knows when to prepare things or get the kids ready? It’s time to take the initiative.”
Another added, “My favorite thing they do is ask 30 minutes before an event if we need to bring anything.”
The humor was palpable: “Why is it always ‘what do we need to do…?’ I need you to stop trying to use my brain while I’m using it! Use yours.” This perfectly encapsulated the mental load of motherhood.
While many women shared their frustrations, some men defended their counterparts.
“You’d be less mad if you just gave him a task to do,” one man argued. “You need to communicate better.”
Some women provided perspective, recalling their own experience of not asking for help when it was needed, but expecting their partner to read their minds.
“My husband is forgetful but truly tries to help,” one woman reflected. “Being angry instead of communicative helps nothing.”
Perhaps men can do more than just forgetfulness. They could actively engage in household dynamics and share responsibilities evenly.
