Women embody strength. Women hold positions of influence. Women manage their families. These truths are undeniable. Yet, when we confront the unseen weight of mental load, emotional labor, and the task of nurturing self-reliant children, we must question if this approach truly serves us.
One mother presents an intriguing perspective suggesting that a shift in our way of handling household responsibilities might lead to greater fulfillment in both marriage and family life.
In her video, Dianna Lee asserts, “The most insightful women with the happiest relationships are the ones who embrace being not-so-capable.”
“You might notice I’m a woman of many abilities. I’ve tackled challenges from my academic years to my professional life, and I applied that same mindset to my marriage. I moved with speed and efficiency, completing tasks as they came. Looking back, I realize this approach was misguided,” she explains.
So, why is it counterproductive for a proactive, ‘get-it-done’ mentality to prevail in our relationships? Lee offers a stark warning about this mindset.
“When you carry out tasks that you wish your partner would handle, you expect reciprocity. That’s often how women think. However, men don’t inherently value the labor you undertake. They seek to feel needed, followed by appreciation for their contributions,” she elaborates.
“By being overly capable and managing every aspect for them, we inadvertently undermine their self-esteem. They begin to take for granted all that you do. Instead of viewing you as exceptional, they esteem themselves because they perceive that your efforts stem from their own capabilities.”
Lee draws an important connection to parenting, particularly when it comes to raising boys.
“The same principle applies in nurturing boys. Highly competent mothers often unwittingly create boys who feel less inclined to contribute because they do not feel needed,” she states.
“Now, I embrace my ‘uselessness,’ and my family life has reached new heights.”
She no longer carries groceries, opens doors, or organizes playdates.
All these tasks are now the responsibility of the men in her home, who appreciate her for allowing them to take charge and for acknowledging their efforts.
This approach is a clever twist on typical dynamics—an insight worthy of consideration.
