They say there are certain topics you should steer clear of in polite conversation—sex, politics, religion. But if you’ve spent over a decade navigating the world of parenting like I have, you learn there are other hot-button issues that tend to ignite passionate debates, one of which is spanking. Recently, Jon—an insightful dad and parenting coach known as @wholeparent on TikTok—shared a thought-provoking perspective that’s causing quite a stir.
He stated, “The only reason it’s not illegal in the United States to hit kids but it is illegal to hit adults is because we view children as property.” This claim is, to put it mildly, provocative. But when you dig into the history behind it, it’s hard to argue against.
Jon references the Doctrine of Coverture, a relic of 16th and 17th-century English Common Law. Under this doctrine, a wife was considered the property of her husband, and by extension, their children were deemed his possessions as well. Remember, during this time, women and children lacked independent legal identities. They couldn’t vote and couldn’t claim property independently—yes, the system was profoundly unjust. It’s important to clarify that while wives and children—primarily white women and children—didn’t experience the same legal status as enslaved individuals, they were nonetheless placed in a dilemma that devalued their rights.
Jon’s assessment strikes a chord: “Thankfully, we have made strides in gender equality in the past century. Women today are legally supposed to be treated the same way as men. But we haven’t seen the same progress for children.” I can’t help but note the weight of the word “supposed” here, reflecting the ongoing challenges we face.
In the U.S., specific definitions of “child discipline” vary state by state. However, a form of corporal punishment remains legal in all 50 states, and shockingly, it continues to be permitted in schools in 17 states. This allowance stems from a different aspect of English Common Law known as *in loco parentis*, a term I first stumbled upon in the musical *Hamilton*.
So, in many states, you can legally hit your 17-year-old as long as you’re their guardian, but once the clock strikes midnight on their 18th birthday, you could find yourself facing assault charges. Confusing, right?
What’s particularly concerning is that the U.S. stands out among developed countries when it comes to this issue. For example, the **United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child** was established in 1990 to encourage nations to implement discipline methods that respect children’s human dignity, and every country has ratified it—except the United States. By 2025, 74 countries, mainly in Europe and Latin America, will have completely banned physical punishment in all contexts. It might not surprise you that former British colonies, with their historical ties to English Common Law, are generally less likely to implement such bans.
Jon emphasizes there are far more effective and compassionate ways to guide children than resorting to physical punishment. Research shows that children who experience physical discipline are not only more likely to be involved in future violence but also face a greater risk of anxiety, depression, and antisocial behavior. This evidence is supported by reputable organizations like the American Academy of Pediatrics, reinforcing the negative impact of hitting in any form.
In closing, Jon urges us to reconsider our justifications for hitting kids: “Please, for the love of God, stop trying to justify hitting your kids.” His plea resonates deeply—it’s time we engage in compassionate discussions about parenting, prioritizing our children’s mental and emotional well-being over outdated notions of discipline. Parenting is a journey filled with challenges, and instead of turning to methods that perpetuate cycles of violence, let’s explore healthier approaches that promote understanding and respect. Our children deserve nothing less.
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