It’s a scenario many couples know all too well: two partners deeply in love, eager to connect, yet feeling ever so distant. Despite sharing a home, raising children, and navigating daily responsibilities—from soccer practices to work deadlines—it’s all too common to feel like you’re drifting apart. The term “date night” often gets tossed around like it’s as simple as flipping a light switch, but for many of us, the reality isn’t so straightforward.
When you pause to think about it, there’s a lot that goes into the concept of a date night. The notion often comes wrapped in privilege. What about the costs associated with restaurant meals or activities? And how do you secure childcare when it’s just one more thing on a long, exhausting to-do list? Or consider the energy it takes to simply connect when you feel drained after a long day. After juggling the needs of kids and work, finding that extra spark can feel almost daunting.
But here’s the silver lining: countless parents are in the same boat, navigating the challenge of maintaining a relationship amid the chaos of family life. It may feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Start by resetting your expectations. Instead of fretting about traditional date nights, focus on what *you* and your partner truly need at this moment. It’s about carving out that time together—whatever that looks like for you.
Remember What A Date Actually Is
Intimacy extends beyond the physical; it’s also about closeness, connection, and spending uninterrupted time together. A date isn’t merely a checklist to address relationship issues—it’s a chance to bask in each other’s company without distractions. Of course, life often throws curveballs, making it harder to find that perfect moment. Don’t let guilt over not having a classic date night cloud your thoughts.
As Holly Young, a 40-year-old mother of three, shared, her husband and she would feel anxious about the months slipping by without an outing. But reflecting on their needs led them to realize they didn’t necessarily want to go out. Their toddlers made departures feel cumbersome and stressful. Instead, they found solace in simple, everyday moments: taking the kids to school together and savoring quiet car rides with their favorite coffee and no radio. “Sometimes we come home and have sex immediately. That’s how much that time together helps us feel like *us* again,” Holly explains.
Squeeze It In When You Can
Many parents have discovered that “date night” is less about designated evenings and more about capturing moments when they can. For my husband and me, our evenings often revolve around putting our kids to bed, ordering a meal through DoorDash, and enjoying a cozy movie night at home. Sure, it may not seem like much, but it’s our shared time that matters.
Jamie Roy, a 41-year-old mom of two, resonates with this sentiment, noting that although she and her partner aim for monthly game nights, they usually manage to squeeze one in every couple of months due to fatigue. If late-night dates feel stressful, consider day outings. If grocery shopping serves as a form of self-care, why can’t doing it alongside your partner be framed as a date?
“Once a month, my husband and I call it our ‘Costco date,’” says 45-year-old Kelly Harbins. “After a breakfast out, we tackle our Costco run together. We catch up while grocery shopping and prep for our family meals, making it one of my favorite days of the month.”
Make The Date Give You What You Need
Prioritizing your needs can enhance your together time. What are you missing? Are you longing for intimacy, an uninterrupted conversation, or just a fun time with each other? Your approach to dating can be as unique as your relationship—it’s about rediscovering what works for both of you.
“We don’t schedule dates,” says 38-year-old Sarah Turner. “Instead, we’ll just say, ‘Hey, I miss you. Can we do something tomorrow night?’ Trivia nights sometimes feel like we’re dating again. But if I crave physical closeness, we might plan a cozy night in.”
Focus On What You Both Love & Are Into
Once you’ve lined up a babysitter, remember that a date night doesn’t have to follow any specific mold. Lacey Webster, a 35-year-old mom, explains how for years she and her wife felt confined by the notion that dates meant eating out. “It took us ages to realize that we could just choose activities we love—like painting or trying new breweries—because that’s what makes us happy,” she shares.
“For us, special date nights often feature Beer Dinners at a local brewery while ditching worries about picky eaters at home,” adds Amy Grau, a 49-year-old mom. It highlights that meaningful times together don’t have a one-size-fits-all structure.
The beauty lies in understanding what you both want. Consider what activities excite you both. Even amidst the busyness of family life, conversations about desires and preferences can lead to fulfilling moments. “Effort and consistency have been key for us,” shares Brittany Bryan, a 40-year-old mom. “Connecting every night helps us feel like we’re on the same page, so formal date nights feel less crucial.”
Great relationships are often built upon the willingness to communicate openly about what each partner craves. Even if it means that the babysitter is simply Ms. Rachel keeping the kids occupied nearby, the magic lies in prioritizing the connection. So, don’t overthink it; get creative about how to reconnect. After all, it’s not just about the time spent, but how you spend it.
Image Source: ZlataSole / Shutterstock
