Redos are a precious opportunity. Think back to when you first learned to ride a bike: the scrape on your knee wasn’t the end; it was just part of the journey. Each time you climbed back on, you grew stronger, braver, and perhaps even a little wiser. This idea of “redoing”—of trying again—applies not only to our physical challenges but also to the emotional and psychological landscapes of our lives. Enter the concept of reparenting yourself, a topic buzzing through social media lately that might feel a bit awkward at first.
For many of us, the word “parenting” evokes images of nurturing and guidance being given to us, rather than something we can take charge of ourselves. But experts say reparenting—actively nurturing your inner child—is not just possible; it’s beneficial. Whether you choose to go it alone or seek support from a therapist, reparenting can serve as a healing balm for past wounds.
“Reparenting is about intentionally giving yourself the care, support, and compassion you may have missed out on in your childhood,” explains Jamie Buzzelle, a parent coach. “Since each person’s childhood is unique, the way you approach reparenting will be personal and ongoing.”
Intrigued? You’re not alone. We spoke with several experts who shared their insights on why reparenting is beneficial, how to recognize when you might need it, and practical tips to get you started.
How Does Reparenting Help?
Reparenting can be a transformative journey—not just for you, but for everyone in your life.
“When people begin this journey, they often report feeling more stable, grounded, and confident,” says Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, a psychologist and media advisor for the Hope for Depression Research Foundation. Rather than responding from old survival mechanisms, individuals learn to engage with themselves from a place of self-awareness and kindness. The result? Increased ability to set boundaries, practice empathy, and manage challenging emotions.
However, it’s important to remember that your journey may stir some feelings in those around you. “When you begin reparenting, it might come as a shock to those who are used to you being overly accommodating or neglecting your own needs,” cautions Dr. Brittany McGeehan, a Texas-based licensed psychologist. “They may feel a sense of loss because they’ve relied on you in ways that might have been unhealthy for both of you.”
This could cause some hesitation, especially for those inclined to people-please. But McGeehan emphasizes the importance of prioritizing your well-being. “When you embrace reparenting, you’re not just helping yourself; you’re also creating a healthier environment for your children, partners, and friends,” she points out. When you model self-care and set boundaries, those around you benefit too.
So, who particularly stands to gain from reparenting? McGeehan identifies several groups, including adults who:
– Grew up with emotionally unavailable or abusive caregivers
– Struggle with self-doubt and harsh self-criticism
– Face issues related to perfectionism or imposter syndrome
– Have experienced trauma or struggle with attachment issues
– Find it tough to accept support in relationships
8 Tips for Reparenting Yourself
Embarking on this journey isn’t always easy—it can be rewarding but also challenging. If you’re ready to confront old wounds and cultivate healthier mental habits, here are some practical steps you can take to bolster your healing process.
1. Name Unmet Needs
Before diving into reparenting, take a moment to reflect on your childhood experiences. Ask yourself: What did I lack back then—safety, encouragement, consistency? Identifying these unmet needs can help guide your reparenting journey. McGeehan suggests journaling from the perspective of your younger self. “Consider what you wished a caregiver would have said or done for you,” she advises. This exercise isn’t about placing blame but rather about honoring your experiences and understanding how they shaped you.
2. Learn Your Triggers
Your body often knows what your mind hasn’t fully processed. Jamie Buzzelle emphasizes tuning into your body’s reactions. Note how you physically respond in emotionally charged situations—whether it’s sweaty palms when someone dismisses you, or your heart racing when interrupted. Acknowledging these signals can empower you to understand and manage your emotional responses more effectively.
3. Create Safety Through Daily Rituals
Establishing rituals can help signal to yourself that you are safe. Whether it’s taking a few moments to stretch each morning or reciting a grounding affirmation, these predictable self-care acts can help regulate your nervous system. Find a simple two-minute ritual that resonates with you. For instance, even brushing your hair while telling yourself, “I’ve got you,” can gradually transform how you feel in your body.
4. Talk to Yourself Like a Wise Parent Would
You have the chance to become the caring parent you needed. Your internal dialogue sets the tone for how you treat yourself. McGeehan reminds us that many adults carry a critical inner voice—often echoing a caregiver’s harsh words. It’s time to reshape that narrative with a voice that is wise, loving, and balanced. Replace self-criticism with kinder affirmations. Think about how you would encourage a child; then direct that same gentle encouragement to yourself.
5. Learn and Practice Boundaries
Boundaries are essential in any form of self-care. As Buzzelle puts it, “Setting boundaries empowers you to take control of your life.” A practical way to exercise this is by practicing saying “no” without feeling the need to justify your decision.
6. Practice Self-Soothing
Regulating emotions is a critical life skill often nurtured in childhood, but it’s never too late to learn. Whether it’s through deep breathing, gentle self-talk, or a comforting gesture like placing a hand on your heart, self-soothing tools can help you feel safe in your body and navigate tough emotions without spiraling.
7. Reclaim Play and Imagination
Healing doesn’t have to be a heavy experience. Many adults have emotionally skipped childhood, and reparenting invites fun and wonder back into your life. Try reconnecting with playful experiences. McGeehan recommends treating your younger self to a toy you always wanted as a child. Let your imagination run wild as you play together—it’s a wonderful way to embrace joy and creativity.
8. Celebrate Small Wins
Let’s face it: many of us have been conditioned to overlook our achievements or focus solely on our failures. But reparenting invites you to recognize and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Tell yourself, “I’m proud of you,” whenever you honor a boundary or take a brave step forward. These affirmations can foster a sense of accomplishment and motivate you to keep moving forward.
Can You Reparent Without a Therapist?
If diving into reparenting sounds daunting, know that it’s possible to do this as a form of self-help—but approach it with care. McGeehan advises against overwhelming yourself, suggesting that you start slowly and purposely. “Don’t overwhelm yourself with trauma resources if you’re not working with a therapist,” she warns. Instead, explore materials on boundaries, inner child work, and self-compassion.
It’s also essential to recognize when it’s time to seek professional guidance. Signs that indicate you might benefit from a therapist include experiencing overwhelming emotional flashbacks, facing complex trauma, or feeling unsafe connecting with your inner child. A trauma-informed therapist can help you navigate these waters more effectively.
Reparenting is not just a self-help trend; it’s an empowering journey of discovering, healing, and reshaping who you are. Though the road may be challenging, the rewards—healthier relationships, improved self-esteem, and emotional growth—are well worth the effort. You’re not alone in this. Embrace the redo; you’re already on your way to a brighter, more compassionate you.
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